going away_letters to sebastian

[going away_walking doors/27052012, AnnCT]

[…]

My dear friend, Sebastian.

I’m above ground, somewhere to somewhere.

I did want to tell you all of this personally. Still, I am here writing instead.

I don’t mind though. Or I try to respect your decision. Not asking too many questions about your whereabouts or why you can’t meet me anymore.

Short and simple, I am going away Sebastian. And I don’t know if I will ever come back.

I really could not resist taking this opportunity. It was a perfect exit, offered on a plate in some ways. To the somewhere I don’t know of any consequences.

I remember the other times.

Funny costumes.

Other memories.

From a past, I hardly know anymore. Not about the reality of it.

All I can see seems to be from someone else other than me.

We changed though, all of us.

Or we didn’t, we made decisions. We thought differently. We followed different paths. That is all.

Anyhow, the last thing I did before catching my plane, I went to the mirror cabinet, the one we have been once.

You got very upset in there. You did not like all the deformations of your body shape, how the mirrors reflecting you back.

I loved it. It was fun.

I did not understand you.

And you started dancing, trying to even out what the mirrors did to your body form.

You danced through the whole cabinet like this.

It was beautiful to look at.

I had to look at you all the time. I forgot to play with the mirrors myself. You danced in front of you and your reflection followed you. Or was it the other way round, I can’t tell anymore.

I don’t remember what we did after this.

You never told me how it felt.

And maybe I never asked.

Now I would like to know. Strange.

I suppose it changed me too, watching you dance.

Anyway, this was the place I wanted to go back to before leaving, for one more time. The mirror cabinet. It is still there.

I did not go in. I was standing, just standing there. Closing my eyes, seeing you dancing.

How many years now, that I am writing letters like this to you? How long since you last talked to me?

Anyway, it felt beautiful to go back in my memory, remembering the picture when you first danced. And I hope you still do.

I miss you, my friend.

Soon, your friend

[….]